Episode 2: Brad reveals himself

I suppose that in this situation, if Shirtless is the hero, then that makes me the villain. It’s not because I’m evil. I’m actually a pretty nice guy most of the time. The real reason I’m the villain is because I am the exact polar opposite of Shirtless. As a hero, he is the physical embodiment of goodness and morality. There is no waning from his cause. Shirtless has set himself on the path to save the world from itself. He will do whatever it takes to protect the moral people who aren’t as moral as he is. Fortunately for me I have no morals.

In thermodynamics, the opposite of hot is not cold. Instead cold is a way of describing the absence of heat. If you touch frozen nitrogen you will get burned. There are objects in space that fuse together by touching in the cold vacuum. This process is called cold welding. What I’m trying to say is, evil is not the opposite of good. Amorality is the opposite of morality. Shirtless and I are on different ends of the same spectrum. And if he is on the positive end of that spectrum then I am on the negative end. We are two sides of the same coin.

What sets us apart you may ask? I see the truth. I know the real difference between right and wrong. My vision is not clouded by an overbearing sense of purpose and duty. There is no right and there is no wrong. We are all parts of an unending cycle of birth, maturation, war, chaos and eventually death. For the cycle to be complete you need both ends to meet. While it is Shirtless’ duty to save the world and end the cycle, it is my responsibility to ensure that the cycle continues.

My name is Brad Elliot Hemmingway and I am… the arch nemesis.

I don’t have a master plan. I don’t rob banks, set fires or launch asteroids on a collision course with Earth. Mostly because that last part is impossible. I don’t have powers and I don’t have a secret lair. To be perfectly honest, I live in a cheap apartment within walking distance to campus. Oh, and if anyone asks, it’s an inhaler not a death ray or toxic gas.

The simple truth is that while my great foe spends all of his time trying to right all of these wrongs, I have all the time in the world to just sit around and play video games. Honestly I only do this like an hour or two a day three days a week. The rest of the time I’m either in class or playing Xbox live.

Do I hate the guy? Of course! The guy is a pretentious ass with a God complex and a fucked up sense of justice. I wouldn’t do half of the things this guy does all in the name of making the world a better place. I’m not that messed up. Besides, he’s a horrible driver. I mean really bad. He was stopped at a red light and he hit a light pole once

So yeah, I’ve made it my mission to either continue the cycle of death and rebirth or knock his stupid teeth out. I figure either way I accomplish my lifelong goal and have fun while doing it.

A Hero Revealed

You have no idea the suffering I see in the world. You’ve never seen firsthand the atrocities that evil commits. The other day, I saw a man walking across the street when the red hand was flashing. I’ve seen children taking an extra sip from communion wine.

The world is falling apart all around me and I am the only one that can save it. I alone have the power to save the world from itself. To right all wrongs and make evil disappear for eternity. This is no easy task but if I don’t fight for good the world will be destroyed. I can’t sit idly by as people are dying, as children are forced to use drugs… as milk spoils in the fridge. I am Shirtless and I alone will protect those that can’t protect themselves.

THE MANY ADVENTURES OF SHIRTLESS!

Dear diary,

Today I crashed the shirtless mobile. A telephone pole sprang out of nowhere and ran into me. I suspect some force of evil was behind the plot to dissuade me from my quest for good. But don’t worry diary, I put it back together with duct tape so I should be good for another couple of weeks. I also managed to save a woman from wickedness while I was out. We ran into each other in the supermarket while I was out buying my daily six gallons of water and seven gallons of protein powder. You know breakfast is the most important meal of the day. When all of a sudden I noticed that she was going to eat one of the nuts the supermarket has on display. I rushed into action and promptly stopped her. She tried to explain she was checking the nuts to make sure they were fresh but I saw right through her lies. I sensed she was under the control of something exceptionally evil. I scolded her mercilessly in front of everyone present then relieved her of her belongings. Such evil doesn’t deserve a gold card. I gave her purse to the supermarket manager to repay them for the missing nut but the man gave it back to her. On second thought… they might have been in the plot together.

Tomorrow I will have to destroy the building to end their scheme.

I was depowered earlier diary. When I was attempting to save a man from killing himself at a fast food restaurant one of the evil henchmen at the establishment forced a shirt upon me. The pain I felt was like no other I’ve felt before. I was in such disillusion that I couldn’t save that poor soul from putting processed meat into his body. I failed diary. But I cannot dwell on things such as this. This experience has just furthered my resolve to wipe evil in all its forms from this earth.

I’m off now diary, to once again take up the fight against vile tyranny and make the world safe for the weak and incompetent. To make sure good triumphs over evil. To boldly go where no man has… scratch that last part. Until next time diary

XOXO

-Shirtless (Superhero)