The Night of the Black Cat

By: Yomin Kitkat
Edited by: Daryl Ryssman 

When our hero awoke this morning, there was little indication of the dangers that would face him that evening. Our hero understood that Halloween was the worst night of the year for evil to be about… that and Christmas. But on this particular night, a foul air was rising that would put Shirtless to the ultimate test. For this he would have to rely on all of his skills, a heap of luck, and above all else his will to survive. This year, Shirtless was asked to take his sister trick or treating.

The night started out as calm as could be expected as Shirtless picked up his little sister Denise just before sunset. He explained to her that she would see unspeakable evils and it would be up to him to stop them. Denise didn’t pay much heed to his warnings and simply rolled her eyes. “Mom says you have to listen to me” said our hero in a last ditch effort to command his ten year old sister’s obedience. “Whatever!” She replied as she stormed out of the house.

Denise was dressed as a black cat this year, while our hero wore as he always does his cape, denim jeans, and a utility belt that holds his water and protein powder. Straight away Shirtless spotted trouble. A group of hooligans were preparing to vandalize a defenseless tree with toilet paper and murder unborn chickens by throwing them against their neighbor’s front door.

Without missing a beat, Shirtless sprang into action. He quickly dispatched the would be assassins, tying them up in their own wrappings and confiscating the poor scared chickens that had been removed from their mothers. Denise watched for a few seconds before tiring of her overbearing brother’s sense of self importance. She then continued down the street, collecting treats from house to house enjoying the compliments that some elderly ladies gave her on her fine costume. “Thank you” she said “my mom helped me make it.”

Our hero having finished with the “Fiends of Main Street,” noticed that his sister was not where he’d left her. Angered at the possibility that some unspeakable evil had abducted poor Denise, Shirtless began leveling the neighborhood in an effort to find her. Fortunately for Denise, she had run into a group of her friends and one of the mothers didn’t think it was safe for her to be trick or treating by herself. Caroline called Denise’s mom to make sure it was okay for her to continue to chaperone since Shirtless was unavailable. The group then continued on towards another neighborhood.

By the end of the evening, Shirtless had destroyed seventeen houses, beaten up eight kids, kicked four cats, overturned three cars, and saved a dozen chicken eggs. Beginning to think he’d have to admit defeat, Shirtless returned to his mother’s house to regain his composure. As he approached home, he heard a sigh as Denise had noticed her brother and began to walk inside. “Mom, the dufus is finally back.” The rest of the night our hero was lectured about the responsibility he had neglected by leaving his little sister alone.